funny cop stories
funny cop stories
funny cop stories
Write me another ticket!

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?' He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a stupid idiot. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires! Then I really got angry at him. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.

Cop Police Jokes Page 3.


Cop Horse Joke

A City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!" The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on



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The CIA in Hiring Funny Cop Joke

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 15 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, " I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instruction, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "The gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."

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the back fender." The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."

Pulling a Fast One

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door.

"Is there a problem Officer?"

The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?"

The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

"You don't have one?"

The man responds, "I lost it  for drunk driving five times."

The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"

"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

The policeman says, "Why not?"

"I stole this car."

The officer says, "Stole it...from who?"

The man says, "I don't know, I killed the owner."

At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what!?"

"She's in the trunk if you want to see."

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"

The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem sir?"

"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

"Murdered the owner?"

The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please?"

The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing but a spare tire.

The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"

The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.

The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a drivers licence."

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet, opens it and hands the officer his license.  "Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

The man replied, "I bet the lying bastard told you that I was speeding, too!"
Funny Police Jokes
Funny Cop Jokes
Funny Police Jokes
Funny Cop Jokes