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The Blonde Passenger

Two girls were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour. "Hey," asked the brunette driver, "see any cops following us?" The blonde turned around for a long look. "Yep, there certainly is." "Oh, Sh**!" screamed the brunette. "Are his flashers on?" The blonde turned around again. "Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..."
What is my wife doing in this car?

A couple in a car are pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:

Man: What's the problem officer?

Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.

Man: No sir, I was going 65

Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80

(Man glares at his wife.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.

Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!

Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.

(Man glares at his wife...again)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.

Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.

Man: Shut your mouth, woman!

Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?

Wife: No, only when he's drunk.
Keep my wife...please

A cop about to go off duty see's a speeding car and stops it. He tells the driver that he is about to get off duty and that if he can give him a good excuse for his speeding he wouldn't give him a ticket. The speeder says " two weeks ago my wife ran off with a cop". " I thought that cop was you and you were trying to return her". The cop smiled and went to his car and drove off.

Stop Sign

This male driver blows a stop sign and a cop sees it so he pulls him over.
Cop- "License and registration please."

Driver-  "For what?"

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Cop - "Well, sir you didn't stop at the sign."

Driver - "I slowed down and no one was coming."

Cop- "You didn't come to a complete stop, license and registration, PLEASE!"

Driver- "What's the difference"

Cop- "The difference is I wouldn't have pulled you over if you'd stopped."
Driver- "I'll give you my license and registration if you can show me the difference between slowing down and stopping."

Cop-   "Okay, I will... get out of the car."

At this point the officer takes his billy club out of the holster and begins to beat the crap out of the driver.

As the man is screaming and crying, the officer yells loudly " NOW SIR, WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO SLOW DOWN OR COME TO A COMPLETE STOP?!!??"
Submitted as the new Miranda

1. No, I don't care who you are.

2. No, I don't care who you know.

3. Yes... you DO pay my salary and I need a raise

4. Yes... you CAN have my job.

5. No, I don't have anything better to do.

6. Yes, I DO arrest real criminals sometimes.

7. No, I am not picking on you because you are _____________ (fill in some ethnic group/race).

8. No, I can't give you a break.

9. No, I don't know your friend, Officer ______.

10. Yes, you will be allowed to make a phone call.

11. Yes, I'm sure you will never do it again.

12. No, we can't talk about it.

13. Yes, it DOES make me happy.

14. Yes, you WILL see me in court.

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Funny Police Jokes
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Funny Cop Jokes